English Club

[Lady LG 4 159]

Reading for everybody

The Gorilla Joke

 

A gorilla went into a coffee shop, sat down and ordered a cup of coffee. The waiter was a bit nervous at first, but there weren’t any other customers and the gorilla seemed quite friendly, so he let him sit in peace. Who would argue with a gorilla, anyway?

While the waiter made the coffee, he watched the gorilla from the kitchen. The gorilla just sat there, staring at the ceiling.

 

The kettle boiled, the waiter made a fresh cup of coffee and brought it in. The gorilla handed him a five-pound note and went on drinking the coffee. The waiter took the five-pound note and went back to the kitchen to get some change.

 

While he was in the kitchen he watched the gorilla, who drank his coffee, but for the rest of the time just stared at the ceiling. The waiter thought to himself, “That gorilla doesn’t know the difference between a pound note and a five-pound note – he is only a gorilla, after all.” So he took a pound coin and went in to give it to the gorilla. As he handed it, he said, “We don’t have many gorillas in here.”

 

The gorilla took the pound and replied, “I’m not surprised, with coffee at four pounds a cup.”

[victorian 8 431]

Lady LG

Well you know as a matter of fact I do hope to reclaim and to reeducate Molly as soon as possible and I promise you, she will be absolutely new person in 1 -2 weeks!

 

 

Molly Malone

I expected something like this :

Изменено 8 сентября, 2011 пользователем victorian

[Serdar 2]

The yesterday I attended English Club. At the first time I was collapsed.

All people are opened persons. I like this club.

[victorian 8 431]

Serdar

My congratulations! I`m sure it was just start. Have you met any natives? Get friends?

[Serdar 2]

As it seems me I saw native but spoke with russian speaker. At first was Lena, second forgot to ask name at man and third were trio two girls and boy Yura (names of girls I've already forgotten) Hurrah ....

 

"Gaudeamus igitur,

Juvenes dum sumus!

Post jucundam juventutem,

Post molestam senectutem

Nos habebit humus!...."

 

"Итак, будем веселиться,

Пока мы молоды!

Жизнь пройдёт, иссякнут силы

Ждёт всех смертных мрак могилы

Так велит природа...."

[Molly Malone 4 448]

she will be absolutely new person in 1 -2 weeks!

 

and what kind of person am i going to be?

[victorian 8 431]

Molly Malone

It`s just a joke

[Molly Malone 4 448]

It`s just a joke smile.gif

 

thank's god

 

I am back home from my country house...

Arbeiten, arbeiten, arbeiten. Blin.

[Lady LG 4 159]

...she will be absolutely new person in 1 -2 weeks!

......and what kind of person am i going to be?

It`s just a joke

thank's god

 

To victorian from Molly:

 

I am what I am,

My own creation.

Give me a hook

Or an ovation!

Изменено 8 сентября, 2011 пользователем Lady LG

[Lady LG 4 159]

Serdar

...yesterday I attended English Club

 

)))

 

Don't be afraid to speak English and don't be ashamed of your mistakes! Most of the people in the club are like you and their English is far from perfect.

But they are all open and friendly.

It's better to speak with mistakes than keep silent. Good luck!

Изменено 8 сентября, 2011 пользователем Lady LG

[Molly Malone 4 448]

Lady LG, i absolutely agree with you.

The more you speak, the faster you'll learn to do it without any mistakes.

I have too little German practice now and i feel my german fading away, horrible.

 

victorian, why don't you learn german? We could organize a German Club

[Lady LG 4 159]

Ladies and gentlemen, for today we have the following tasks for fun and profit:

 

Two riddles:

 

1. It is greater than God and more evil than the devil. The poor have it, the rich need it and if you eat it you'll die. What is it?

2. Why isn’t your nose 12 inches long?

 

What film?

 

- Darling, will you marry me at last?

- Well, let me think a little more...

- How long are you going to think? We have known each other for 30 years!

- Well, I don't know. And besides your mother has never liked me!

- Yes, that's true. She has always disliked you. But it doesn't matter. Now she can't see very well.

 

Find a misprint for Serdar and everyone:

 

The text below contains a mistake where a word has an EXTRA LETTER. For example, if the word should be NOT it is printed as NOTE.

 

COMETO SUNNY MAJORCA

Majorca is the largest of the Balearic Islands, which live close to the south-east coast of Spain. The island's many fine beaches and its exciting night-life have made it one of the most popular holiday resorts in the world.

 

And a usual joke from me:

**********************************************************************

One day a company chairman got very angry with his board of directors.

He looked at them: “Gentlemen, I have something I must say: half of you are idiots.”

One of the directors stood up and banged on the table,

“I demand that you withdraw you last words, Mr Chairman.”

“Very well,” the chairman said, “I withdraw them – half of you are not idiots.”

 

board of directors – совет директоров, правление

**********************************************************************

 

Have fun! See you!

Изменено 9 сентября, 2011 пользователем Lady LG

[victorian 8 431]

victorian, why don't you learn german? We could organize a German Club biggrin.gif

OK but I`ll be your student.

[Lady LG 4 159]

OK but I`ll be your student

Like this?

[victorian 8 431]

Lady LG

Speechless!