English Club

[Serdar 2]

Serdar,

i liked your China photos.

Do you travel a lot?

Before this year I had mountain hikes and one easy trip in China.

If you want something like this, then you have to go to 'www.westra.ru' .

All trips in my life fully and partially were started there.

Изменено 5 июля, 2011 пользователем Serdar

[Самира 26]

thanks Molly for examples I understood

[Lady LG 4 159]

Euphemisms:

4. She makes dog clothes.

She is a pet fashion designer.

 

A quotation: "If you want to be on top, don't let education stop."

[Molly Malone 4 452]

Guess the last word: " Queen Elizabeth I was considered very fussy about her personal cleanliness as she bathed once a ............................ "

 

Once a month?

Just like me...

[Lady LG 4 159]

Guess the last word: " Queen Elizabeth I was considered very fussy about her personal cleanliness as she bathed once a ............................ "

 

Once a month?

Yes, Molly, she bathed once a month. As you know, English people have never had "banyas" unlike the Russians. (It's awful!)

 

A joke from me:

 

- Doctor, Doctor, these pills you gave me for body odour...

- What's wrong with them?

- They keep slipping from under my arms!

[Lady LG 4 159]

Let's sum up. There're 8 tasks for fun and profit:

 

1. A riddle: "What question cannot be answered with "No?"

 

2. Misprint 23. The text below contains a mistake where ONE letter in a word IS MISSED. For example, if the word should be BOX it is printed as OX.

 

"Olympic Shock: Christie Eats Lewis In 100 Metre Final!"

 

3. Quotations.

 

4. Proverbs.

 

5. Songs.

 

6. The story "Natasha from Russia" (I was the last to write)

 

8. Euphemisms:

 

1. He earns his living selling cucumbers from his garden.

 

2. I want to spend the night with you and make love.

 

3. He delivers pizza.

 

4. She makes dog clothes.

 

5. He collects empty beer bottles to earn his living.

 

6. She is (pardon) a prostitute.

 

Good luck, see you!

 

5. He collects empty beer bottles to earn his living.

He is a Greenpeace activist.

[victorian 8 436]

What colour is your hair? biggrin.gif

I`m blond

 

Some anecdotes:

 

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for living.

- "Tim, what does your mother do?

- She`s a doctor

- That`s wonderful. How about you Amie?

- My father is a mailman

- Thank you Amie. What about your father, Billy?

Billy proudly stood and announced,

- My daddy plays piano in a whorehause.

Teacher promtly changed the subject. Later she went to Billy`s house. The teacher explained Billy`s father what his son said and demanded an explanation.

Billy`s father said,

- I`m actually an attorney. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?

[Lady LG 4 159]

victorian

I`m actually an attorney. How can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?

Ha-ha-ha!

 

A joke from me:

 

- Doctor, Doctor, I've had a terrible stomachache since I ate three crabs yesterday.

- Did they smell bad when you took them out of their shells?

- What do you mean "took them out of their shells"?

Изменено 6 июля, 2011 пользователем Lady LG

[victorian 8 436]

A man was in a bar. Hoping to strike up a conversation with a distinguished looking fellow sitting nearby, he said,

- "May I buy you a drink?"

- "No", said the man cooly, "Don`t drink. Tried it once and didn`t like it."

- "Would you like a cigar?"

- " No. Don`t smoke. Tried tobacco once and didn`t like it"

- "Would you like to join me in a card game?"

- "No. Don`t like card games. Tried it once and didn`t like it. But perhaps my son will join you".

The first man settled back in his chair and said,

- "Your only son, I presume?".

[Lady LG 4 159]

victorian

You're at your best today!

 

One more joke from me:

 

STRANGER: I'm looking for a man with a wooden leg called Johnson.

LOCAL: What is his other leg called?

[victorian 8 436]

A blonde (like Molly by the way ) phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car.

- "They`ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the acceleration!", she cried out.

However before the police investigation could start the phone rang again and the same voice came over the line,

- " Sorry, I got in the back seat by mistake".

Изменено 7 июля, 2011 пользователем victorian

[victorian 8 436]

Lady LG

I try, thank you very much

[Lady LG 4 159]

Is Molly blond? I didn't know that. Blonds are supposed to be stupid...

 

One more story about blonds:

 

A blond phones her boyfriend and says," Please, come over here and help me... I have an interesting jig-saw-puzzle, but I can't understand how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it is finished?"

The blond replies, "According to the picture on the box it's a cock."

 

Her boyfriend decides to come to her place and help with the puzzle. The blond lets him in and shows him the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment and looks at the box. Then he takes her by the hand and says,"I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee and then..." he sighs,

"let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."

 

jig-saw-puzzle - составная картинка-загадка

[Molly Malone 4 452]

Is Molly blond?

 

No, victorian is blond, not Molly.

But for him i sound like a blond. I am flattered

Изменено 7 июля, 2011 пользователем Molly Malone

[Самира 26]

Is Molly blond?

 

No, victorian is blond, not Molly.

But for him i sound like a blond. I am flattered